Hush
by tatertotsryummy27
Summary: A female detective that has a past that finally catches up on her, she tells them but is it to late?


I

"Can I have everyone's attention please" the Captain yelled over the commotion in the room. Captain Charles Clark was a short balding man with dark brown eyes he was wearing a tan corduroy suit. Everyone got quiet and looked over at him "I'd like you to meet the newest member of our team, her name is Amanda Shepard and she just got done with training"

"Guess you have a new partner Elliot, but hey were is she at" said Finn Tutuola as he cracked a smile at Elliot which just rolled his eyes

"Listen Captain I don't need a partner, Liv will be back soon, and shell want her spot back" Elliot said crossing his arms across his chest, he seemed defensive. There was no expression was on his blank marble face, he had short brown hair and his pale blue eyes where a never ending tunnel into a deep anger.

"Elliot I never said she was going to be your partner but I do need you to show her the ropes around here, and she's right here behind me" he said as he stepped out from in front of me reveling me to the room all of their eyes got wide and I even saw Finns mouth drop.

"This is your desk Amanda so you can start unpacking" the captain said as he showed me to my desk then headed off to his office. I sat down and began to unpack my things on to the desk a couple photos of my family and little trinkets. Their eyes kept watching me " _do I not look like detective material?"_ I asked myself. Just then a tall slender detective came up to me he had gray hair, brown eyes and had glasses on

"Hey my name is John Munch but you can just call me Munch because that is all everyone else does" he held his hand out to shake mine I smiled and took his hand "that one over there lazing in his chair doing nothing is Finn" Finn glared at him "and then the one standing by the coffee machine that doesn't want a partner his name is Elliot Stabler"

"Hello guys of course you know my name is Amanda, and I am kind of quiet and reserved unless you step on me" I replied

"Why did something as small as you decide to be a detective?" Finn asked smirking. Finn had dark skin with brown eyes; his black hair was slicked back pulled into a pony tail

"Well I'm not sure I was going to be a nurse but then I had a change of heart, just remember because I am small the bullets will hit you first" I replied to him, his mouth dropped and he was going to say something else but then we got an urgent call about a body that was called that may be a sex crime.

"Come on Amanda lets go" Elliot said I was already up and ready before he even said anything. We walked down a corridor to a garage and got in this nice black Lincoln. As we were on our way there he began to talk to me

"So do you want to tell me the real reason you want to be a detective of special victims unit or was it really a change of heart"

"I had my reasons okay?" I said and turned to the window crossing my arms

"A little sensitive about it? My last partner acted just like you, and she had a past" he continued

"…I wish it was that simple" I whispered

"What was that?" he asked more quietly his voice got sterner, then the car stopped "we are here" he said unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door. We were at a small house in the suburbs we both got out of the car and began walking to the house

"Hey Stabler! Who's the new partner? She is a cutie" said a young paramedic I blushed Elliot just ignored him and kept walking I looked back at the paramedic and said "I'm not his partner" Elliot glared at me I smirked right back at him. We entered the house it was a gruesome sight, blood was everywhere and the furniture was over turned and shredded like he was looking for something. We walked into the bedroom where the medical examiner was.

"What do we have Tamara?" Stabler asked. The victim was lying on the bed poorly dressed, her pants were on half way and her shirt was backwards, she had rust colored hair and brown eyes, her body was mutilated and her neck looked as it was slashed

"Exsanguination she bled out of her corroded artery and then it looks like he hacked her up. In my opinion it looks like whoever did this was an angry person or was angry at her" I said the medical examiner looked at me surprised and Elliot gave me a nasty glare. I put on a glove and picked up her wallet and opened it the driver's license it said her name was Sara Fisher and she was just 21, a year younger than I was.

"Well I'm shocked she's right, but the reason why we called you was because she was raped we found fluid on her underwear that wasn't put on after this poor dressing job but I have to get to the lab and run tests" she turned back to the body and continued "are you sure she isn't my partner Elliot?"

"I'm not his partner, I work alone" I said and walked out the living room to question who found her, he was a male about sixteen and he was terribly shaken up. He had sandy blonde hair and brown eyes

"Hi I'm detective Shepard what's your name?" I asked him showing him my badge

"My name is Corey Mitchell" he stammered

"What can you tell me about her?" I questioned

"Nothing much, I didn't even know her I was just came up cause her dog was barking at the door so i knocked on the door to see if she was home to let him in and it opened so I just let myself in and I saw all this blood and I followed it to the bedroom and then I saw her then I called you guys" he said to me as he started to cry

"Hey its okay honey, now did you see anyone in the house when you knocked on the door to let her dog in?" I inquired he simply shook his head I patted him on the shoulder and left to the car were Elliot was waiting for me, he went to say something but I ignored him and out my hand up and walked by to get in the passenger side of the car and buckled up he also got in and stopped for a minute to turn to me and asked "Why do you keep saying you're not my partner?"

"I work alone." I told him. He turned back to the wheel started the car then we drove off; he was silent for a while.

"So are you a medical examiner and a psychiatrist too?" he requested an answer from me he didn't look to happy

"No I just know things, why are you peppering me with questions?" I questioned him

"I don't like not knowing people who I work with and you're very hushed Amanda" he said sternly I simply told him to deal with it. We got back to the precinct and he stormed off into the office Finn stopped me in the hallway

"Hey short stack what'd you get on the witness" he asked me

"He wasn't much of a help, he was just a by passer that stopped to let her dog in" I replied

"So a simple good deed then" he said

"I wouldn't write him off as a good Samaritan just yet" I said and walked into our office and sat down at my desk and started to do paper work and make a statement on Corey Mitchell, it makes me sad that she had to get raped and die. No one deserves that fait at all. I pulled up a record on Sara Fisher all I found was her mom. I dreaded going to that address and giving her this much horrid news. My thoughts got interrupted by Elliot

"Amanda do you got an address on any family we can tell?" he asked

"Yea I got a mom, I don't think there is anyone else" I told him sadly

"Can I have the address then?" he asked impatiently

"…uh yea here" I said shaking my head and writing it on a sticky note and sticking it to his chest

"Well let's go then" he said patting my back and pulling it off then walking out I stood up and taking a deep breath I left with him

 **Fisher Residence**

 **188 N East Street**

 **Brooklyn, New York**

 **September 24, 2017**

I walked up to the door and knocked on it, an older woman answered it she had a head full of white hair and blue eyes she wasn't that tall, she was shaky like maybe she had Parkinson's Disease

"Can I help you?" she asked sweetly

"Yes I am Detective Amanda Shepard and this is detective Elliot Stabler may we come in?" I replied showing her my badge she nodded and let us in she had a small house. We walked into her living room and sat down on her loveseat. Her house smelled of roses and lavender

"What can I do for you folks today?" she questioned sitting in a recliner slowly

"Is your husband home by chance" Elliot asked her she shook her head and said

"He died 10 years ago from cancer" my heart fell, her daughter is probably the only one she had left and I am the one to break this news to her I adjusted in my seat

"Ma'am we are here about your daughter Sara" I explained fear has fallen over her face "we found her in her home deceased" she had burst into tears

"My baby girl!" she screamed

"Is there any one that you might know that had a problem with her or had it out for her?" Elliot asked her she shook her head no sobbing

"She was a good sweet girl" she said through sobs

"I'm sorry for your loss Mrs. Fisher" I stated

"You better catch that bastard who did this to my little girl she was the only one I had left! Now go and get him! Don't just sit there go" she wailed pointing her bony finger at the door so we got up and left. We were walking out to the car and Elliot looked at me

"I know there is something different about you Amanda and I will get to it sooner or later" he snarled

"Or never Elliot I refuse to share my past with people, I will deal with it on my own" I retorted

"So you do have a past?" he quizzed me and I simply ignored him the rest of the way back to the precinct. I got out of the car and slammed the door and stormed off inside leaving him in there. It was getting dark out I didn't realize how late it was until I got back to my desk I looked at my watch "Wow almost 8 at night" I said to myself

"Amanda it's time to head off" captain said to me as he grabbed his coat off the coat rack

"Okay captain" I said packing up

I just sat there for a minute before getting up and leaving to my car I was unlocking my car door. I heard a rustle and I stopped, I heard footsteps behind me so I grabbed my gun and whipped around pointing it at who was coming behind me, it was Finn

"Whoa short stack take it easy I just came to check up on ya Elliot said you had a rough time talking to the mom" he responded

"Yea I'm fine thanks don't sneak up on me or you will get shot okay?" I growled

"Whatever you say" he scowled back and then smiled "did Elliot quiz you today?" he finished

"Yeah how'd you know?" I questioned

"He does to all of his new partners, especially the ones he likes" he winked at me I just shook my head

"He keeps peppering me about my past and I don't want to talk about it" I said and got in my car "I'll see you tomorrow Finn" I finished and shut my door before he could ask me about my past too and i drove off. I finally get to my apartment and walked in I was sitting on my couch thinking about the case then, I hear a loud knock at my door. I got up to go see who it was; there was no one but a little white unmarked envelope, I picked it up

I opened it up and there was a folded piece of note book paper and a picture of me when I was a little girl my heart sank it said

" _My dearest Amanda_

 _I have_ _searched far and wide for you and now, I have found you. You have grown into a much beautiful young woman, and now you have succeeded and became a cop? Good for you my dearest but your gun won't protect you from the nightmares of me and the flash back you have of your past_. _I will get you soon my lady_

 _Love you my dearest_

 _Brian"_

I covered my mouth and my eyes welled up with tears _how did he find me..._ I thought. I dropped the letter and photo on the floor and ran to my bedroom. i locked my door. That was the only place I felt safe then I cried and ended up drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to my alarm at 6:30 am. I got up and got in the shower and got ready for the day, as I got my coffee I saw the note on my kitchen floor that I dropped last night I picked it up and shived it deep down it in my jacket pocket and left for work. As I got out of my car the not fell out of my pocket Elliot stepped on it and picked it up, I snatched it from him and put it in my pocket

"Don't read that, that is my business stay out of it stabler I'm warning you" I growled at him and walked off. Later that day I got a call from the medical examiner that she had results on the tests that she ran so I went down there as soon as I could. Elliot was already talking to her when I walked in, I gave him a nasty glare and I heard Tamara ask if he's made an enemy he just smiled and shook his head with a sly smirk on his face, I walked up to them

"What do we have?" I asked her

"Well we have more than one person" she answered

"More than one semen sample?" Elliot asked her

"It appears so; you have more than one perp you are in luck though one of them was in the system. Under the name Michael Right" she replied as she handed us a file on him. I went back upstairs to the office fin and munch had already went to take the perp into custody.

I was at my desk reading the file on Michael; it seems to be he had a troubled childhood a lot m. and a sexual assault charge. " _That poor girl she had so much to live for and now she is dead because of him"_ I thought

There was a loud ruckus and someone screaming "I DIDN'T KILL HER" looks like the perp is here and ready for questioning. I walked down to the interview room.

"You turn Amanda ready to go?" Captain asked me

"Yep let me go in there" I said walking in there

"Hello Michael how is you today" I cooed

"It was pretty shitty but then this hot detective came into question me" he smiled and winked at me I rolled my eyes

"So how well do you know Sara?" I quizzed him

"She was a good fuck now and then" he replied I cringed at him saying that

"So she wasn't giving you any" I asked him

"No not that day she didn't she refused me, like what girl can refuse this" asked me running his hands down his body, I shook my head

"That must have made you angry, right? I requested

"Yea I was pretty upset" he said leaning back in the chair

"So let me get this straight she wouldn't let you have sex with her so you killed her? Right? She wouldn't let you get a good fuck from her so you slashed her neck wide open and watched her drown in her own blood?" I declared to him

"No I never killed the bitch I told you guys that already" he yelled at me

"Ok so you tore her house up and raped her and slashed her throat and left her for dead, she wasn't dead when you left right? Because she hasn't bled out yet? " I argued I slammed her pictures on the table in front of him "This is what she looks like now, is this a good fuck to you. Would you fuck her now after what you did to her?" I yelled at him

"No but you look like you are" he murmured as he shot up and pinned me against the wall. I tried to fight but instead I had a flash back of what happened to me as a child and froze. The next thing I remember was on the ground and Elliot and Finn was pulling him off of me and my blouse was being ripped. I sat up my head was spinning Munch picked me up and walked me out of the room back to the office a little while later Captain called me to his office

"Amanda are you okay?" he asked closing his door

"Yea I don't know what happened I guess I just blacked out I haven't ate yet today" I replied shaking my head "I'm sorry cap I guess I failed"

"No you're pretty good at what you do just make sure you eat before a roast next time okay?" he commanded I nodded and left I was closing the door when Elliot walked up to me he asked if I wanted a new shirt just then I realized that mine was still ripped revealing my bra and my tattoo of a purple heart on my chest

"Yes id like a new shirt and Elliot my eyes are up here" I scowled at him

"Sorry your tattoo caught my eye, were you in the service?" he asked me

"No my grandpa was and he got shot in Vietnam and got one, were you? He nodded "I was in the marines"

"Oh nice where can I get a shirt at" I asked

"This way Amanda" he said motioning his hand toward the locker-room. We walked down the hall I went in to the room and I started crying as he got me a shirt from his locker

"What is wrong?" he asked

"Nothing just stress" I whimpered looking at my feet he went to touch me I shoved him away his back hit the lockers

"You have a lot of rage inside you what has happened" he wondered looking through me with his crystal blue eyes

"What are you a psychiatrist?" I retorted turning away from him

"Why don't you trust me dammit? I have done nothing to you Amanda"

"I have pistanthrophobia Elliot!" I yelled

"What the hell does that mean, why the hell do you say that shit to make me feel stupid?" he asked

"No I don't mean to make you feel stupid; I just don't want to be treated that way im not a victim. Because I have a phobia of trusting people and you can't seem to some to come to terms with that. Well I have a wall built and you need to respect it. You have only known me what two days and you are already trying to get in my head? Leave me alone I am only here to work, go ahead dig in my past you won't find shit." I said getting in his face "because I don't tell anyone anything" I shoved him out of my way I put on the shirt and stormed out the locker room and ran into Finn and ended up falling backwards

"Oh I'm sorry Amanda where are you going in such a hurry" he apologized holding out his hand to help me up I hit it out of my way and got up and brushed myself off

"I have business to take attended to. Do me a favor and tell Elliot to leave me alone." I snapped walking off. I saw through the corner of my eye that Elliot had come from the locker room after me and Finn had stopped him. I went outside and it was dark and storming I went to my car and got in, I tried to start it but it wouldn't even turn over _great I guess I'm walking home_ I thought so I got out, locked my door and kicked my car and began my long walk home through the darkness.

I got home and saw another white unmarked envelope at my doorstep; I picked it up and opened it. It was another letter with a recent picture of me I looked around me, and hurried inside locking the door behind me. I sat down on the couch and read the note

 _Dearest Amanda_

 _I have been watching you; you are quite the worker aren't you? Showing that man that you were boss, that is until he stepped up on you and you froze because you saw me didn't you? You can't hide behind that badge forever, soon my dearest girl. I will have you to myself and no one can stop me. Keep a watchful eye_

 _See you soon,_

 _Brain_

I was in utter horror was he in my place of work? I can't hide this forever soon someone will find out, and I don't want anyone to know my past. I refuse to let that happen, I went to get my other note from my pocket and realized that it wasn't there. I realized I might have left it in the locker room when I took my jacket off to change my shirt

"Oh no... I hope he doesn't find it. I have to get there before him tomorrow" I said to myself I sat up all night; it was around 5 am when I left for the precinct, it took me an hour to get there I saw my car with a piece of paper I began to shake _No not here not where I work_ I thought to myself as I took it from underneath the window wiper and headed inside. Fin and Munch were already there they looked at me with such a confused face

"Hey are you okay Amanda?" munch asked

"Yeah why?" I stammered fumbling with the piece of paper

"You just look a little shaken up" they came closer I stepped back

"I just couldn't get to sleep last night have you guys seen stabler yet?" I asked frantically

"I'm right behind you" he whispered in my ear I jumped, I turned around

"Meet me in the locker room in about five minutes I have to go.." I paused "I need to go find my other shirt" and then I walked off to the locker room, as I was walking I thought I saw brain so I picked up my pace almost to a run. I ran through the locker room door and sank to the floor with my hands covering my face I realized that I hadn't opened the piece of paper that I had in my hand. My heart beating so fast, I opened the folded piece of paper. It was just an advertisement for a Chinese restaurant; I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I remembered what I was here for, I shot up and looked around the room it wasn't there. _He must have it I left him there here after I changed my shirt_ I thought. Then the door opened

"I have something you want and you have something I want" Elliot protested I whipped around; there it was he was holding it in his hand. I stepped up to him

"Didn't I tell you to leave me be?" I growled at him

"If you don't tell me I'll give this to the captain and he'll want to know, me on the other hand I won't tell anyone" he smiled thinking he caught me

"And If you don't give me that letter Stabler I'll tell the captain that you are harassing me" I snatched it from him "So it's either my past of your job choose" his mouth dropped

"That is what I thought" I said and started out the door

"I read it." He called out to me I just kept walking I was on my way back to my desk, just then someone came running into the room

"Can someone help me please I have been raped he tried to slit my throat" she was screaming hysterically she was covered in blood, it was matted in her hair and dripping all over the floor

"Here come here let me get you a towel I ran to the locker room and grabbed one and ran back wrapping her in it, in a sense she looked just like me a short girl with red hair, and brown eyes. I felt like I was standing in a mirror. A burning sensation was in my gut but I ignored it and went on taking her statement

"Tell me what happened young lady" I said. She started explaining how she was in her home cooking dinner; someone had broken in and grabbed her from behind dragging her in to her bedroom, threw her on the bed, raped her and left

"Can you describe him to me?" I asked her

"He had brown hair and blue eyes he was about six foot tall and had a hoodie and a baseball cap on with a netted back kind of like a trucker hat" she whispered I finished taking her statement. I called her an ambulance and sent her to the hospital for a rape kit and to fix her lacerations and any other medical issues she had. I walked up to munch and showed him the file I had just got

"Another attack has happened we have to release the other perp because it ain't him" I said he looked at me weird and said

"Have you been having an issue with Elliot Amanda? You have avoided him since you came out of the locker room with him this morning and yesterday you told Fin to tell him to leave you alone. Is there something going on?" I went to say something and then he walked up behind me

"She won't tell me her past maybe you can get it out of her" my face turned red

"Stabler I have had about enough of you prodding in my past you won't find anything I already said that" I said shaking in anger

"I found your letter though isn't that enough for a suspicion? I think so" he said

"A letter?" Munch asked

"I swear to god I will end you stabler" I snapped

"Go ahead make your empty threats Amanda you are too short to scare me" he snarled

"Yes and you are taller than me so there is more of you to dislike so there prick." I snorted I flipped my hair at him and left

"Hey Amanda I want to ask you a question" Finn called out I turned around

"Yes Finn" I replied

"Would you like to go out after work to dinner?" he asked Munch and Stabler came out of the office. Stabler looked upset which made me say yes

"Get it Finn!" Munch Yelled down the hall, then the captain came up

"Are you taking me out to dinner Finn?" he teased

"No, Amanda" Finn laughed

"Oh yea that reminds me Amanda my office now" he said plainly my face went pale

"Yes Sir" I replied following him with my eye down to the floor, I went into his office he closed the door

"I want to say good job on taking your first report" he smiled putting his hands in his pockets

"I thought I was in trouble or you wanted to talk to me about something maybe Elliot had told you? But I guess not and thank you not a lot of people are pleased with my work"

"What would have Elliot told me?" he asked

"I am not sure to but to be honest we aren't really getting along" I said

"Why is that?" He quizzed

"He wants my past but I refuse to give it to him that is my deal not his he needs to stay out of it and he hasn't exactly left me alone" I said

"What do you have to hide?" he questioned

"Nothing that is just the point!" I replied

"Okay alright I'll talk to him" he allowed I nodded

"Well excuse me I have a date with Finn" I grinned

"I'm going to warn you of this, if Elliot really likes you he will pry and pry and pry" he chattered

"I've noticed cap, if he could just leave me alone that would be nice" I acknowledged

"Okay, Have fun with Finn tell the other guys to head out too besides Elliot tell him I want to see him" I nodded and told him good night and left to go get Finn and tell the others to leave

"Guys cap said you can leave, but Elliot he wants to talk to you before you go" I smirked at him

"You ready to go?" Finn asked holding his arm out. I took and turned my head to Elliot

"Have fun marine" I saluted him and winked while walking off with Finn

"Were we going to dinner Finn? We will have to take your car mines shot? I asked smiling

"I was thinking Chinese you down?" he simply said I nodded. We got in his car and took off to the closest Chinese joint there was, which was conveniently located near my apartment because I was going to walk home. We walked in and a waitress seated us, we ordered our food and sat in silence for a while as we waited for our food to arrive

"This isn't exactly a date Amanda" he said when the food came

"Figured what do you want to know" I replied putting a napkin in my lap and unraveling my chopsticks

"The note Stabler had I found and gave it to him to give to you" he said with his mouthful. I dropped my chopsticks

"…No..." I whispered

"Do you want to tell me what is going on? I like you, Munch likes you even the captain likes you. You are fun and sassy but we can't help you if you don't tell us what is going on" he said, I just shook my head

"Finn it is a simple explanation okay? I appreciate you asking but I'm okay it's a simple prank this guy is just messing with my head" I said

"Is that the only one he has left you" he asked

"Yes" I lied through my teeth he looked at me like he knew I was lying but dropped it. Maybe stabler will now that the captain has talked to him. We finished our meal and said our goodbyes and I headed home on foot. My mind kept racing on if Elliot had told the captain about my note, and then Finn is the one that found it. I had finally got home without even noticing.

Walking up the stairway to my apartment I felt so drowsy and sluggish so as soon as I hit my door I kicked my shoes off and went straight to bed.

I woke up in a dim lit bedroom, I sat straight up _I know this room_ I looked at my clothing it was a light pink dress with elephants around the bottom of it _I know this dress_. I began to panic; I got off the bed and ran for the door which had then stretched all the way down the end of the hallway. The closer I got to the door the further it got away from me. Then I heard his voice

"It's okay Amanda come here this will be our little secret" he beckoned me to him with one finger and lead me back to the room. All of a sudden my point of view changed I saw him pull my dress over my head and me shaking in fear, he took my panties off and laid me down on the bed. I tried to close my eyes but I couldn't, he got on top of me I screamed and shot up in bed. I covered my face with my hands I felt tear tacks down my face I had been crying in my sleep again, I looked at the clock it said "6:30 am" so I got out of bed and got ready.

I was brushing my teeth when something hit me

"If I am nice to Elliot he will leave me alone" I said with my mouthful off tooth paste then I spit it out, I smiled and finished getting ready with a feeling I forgot something and I went on my way to work I picked him up a coffee. I walked in to the office he was sitting at his desk I walked up behind him

"Elliot?" I said sweetly

"What?" he asked turning around in his office chair with his arms crossed

"Listen I know that I haven't been the best of I don't know what to call myself to you, so your partner, and I wanted to tell you why, that letter you read was just a bunch of kids being jack asses." I said handing him the coffee "and it was just yesterday and all that stress that made me bitchy and I'm sorry" I finished. He looked at me for a minute

"Okay I believe that only because your past is clean" he said taking the coffee "what is it?"

"I put cream in it the way my grandpa liked it" I said setting down at my desk, there was a manila envelope on it. I looked at it strangely

"Good guess shorty" he laughed taking the lid off of it

"Yeah I guess... What is this?" I asked him picking up the envelope he looked over

"I don't know it was there when I got here this morning" he said blowing on his coffee. I bit my lip

"I'm going to go to the bathroom okay I'll be right back" I told him getting up grabbing the envelope

"Okay do you really have to take that with you?" he demanded I nodded "Weirdo" he said going back to the files on his desk and I got up and went to the ladies room and locked it.

"This better not be from him then I know that he is in the building" I whispered, my heart started to beat faster as I opened the envelope and it was more pictures but of me and Finn from last night, I covered my mouth dropping, I dropped everything I had in my hands and fall backwards crashing into the toilet. Someone knocked on the door

"I know you are in there Amanda" a low deep voice said and I heard them walk away. I covered my mouth I felt tears running down my face, my hands where trembling. Just then a piece of note book paper caught my eye I crawled over to it and grabbed it

 _Amanda_

 _I saw you last night with your male detective colleague; don't get to close to any of them I warn you or I will hurt them, this I promise. You are mine forever_

 _Forever and always_

 _Brian_

Just then there was another knock at the door

"Amanda we got another body come on" Elliot called through the door I wiped my tears and collected the things

"Okay Elliot I'll be out soon" I chirped trying to sound okay I stood up and rinsed off my face and stood over the sink for a minute then I opened the door to him standing right there

"Are your arms always crossed?" I questioned him hiding the things behind my back. He tried to see "Hey not your my business it was from my mom"

"Okay go get your coat and meet me in the car" he said walking away I went to my desk and stuffed the things in a drawer hiding them and running out of the room as fast as I could grabbing my coat and met Elliot at the car

"Where was the body found Elliot?" I asked him getting in the car

"In Central Park" he stated coldly starting the car

 **Central Park**

 **October 1** **st**

We walked up and we saw a red headed girl she had a short stature, she looked like me I began to sweat because this was the second girl the resembled me. that was the second one that was dead and the third that was raped. I wasn't sure if it was my past or if it was him and he attacked someone that looked like me. Her name was Cassandra Wiles and she was found in the bushes by a jogger that passed by.

"Is it just me or does she look like you" he asked quietly, he looked over slightly worried look came over his face.

"You are so funny Elliot" I laughed sarcastically looking around the area "Hey I got something" I called out. It was a glove, a leather glove. It was taken by forensics to the lab. I was walking to the car and got in it Elliot had got us hotdogs for lunch

"Thanks" I said talking one

"You know what I said about her looking a lot like you" he said I nodded with a mouthful of hotdog "I mean it; I fear for your safety watch your back please" he said biting a chunk off his hotdog. Fear came over my face but then I dropped it and ignored it. We went back to the precinct captain walked up to us

"Elliot your daughter is here" he said to him he shook his head

"Come on you can meet my daughter" he said grabbing my arm sleeve and dragging me

"Elliot I am super shy why are you making me meet your daughter" I asked trying to pull away

"Cause you are my new partner she has to meet you" he said pulling me more until we walked up to his daughter

"Dad what is with all the rapes and murders should I be worried?" just then she looked at me and glared at me "Who is that?" she questioned him crossing her arms

"Kathleen this is Amanda my new partner" he said introducing us I waved at her my face was burning up

"She is a shy detective? What kind of detective is that? Where is Olivia?" she asked

"Kathleen that isn't fair give her a chance and yes she is shy but you should she her interrogate people" he said

"Dad she doesn't even look like a detective what is she 19?" she pointed out just then I piped up

"Um excuse me I am 22 and I am standing right here, please be respectful I did not know I was going to replace anyone I am just here to do my job get over it." I crossed my arms, they both looked at me in utter shock, I walked off to go talk to Tamara about the other samples or finger prints if she could find anything

"Could you find anything?" I asked walking in while she was looking in the microscope

"No not yet but I will let you know when I do" she said still glued to it I walked back to the office, Elliot's daughter had left. Then he came up to me

"Hey what happened to you being quiet" he asked

"Well when you step on me Ima stomp you back simple as that" I said organizing files of the victims on my desk "Got a problem?" I asked crossing my arms at him

"No I am glad you are not a shy little girl because you can't be in this profession" he smiled

"I figured" I replied then I glared at him cause he called me little, he was smiling

"But I'm sorry for that, we both are a little skeptical about new partners, and I'm sorry for interrogating you about your past" he apologized to me

"Yea that is something that bugs me about people they think they know me and can read me, but no one can I am a tough case to crack" I smiled at him

"What do we got on this guy" some lady called out walking in the room and not paying attention I said

"The perp seems to like short red headed women and his M.O is slashing their throats after raping them and watching them bleed out"

"Oh and who's this fireball, I never got told we got a new detective?" the woman asked walking up to me with an intriguing look on her face

"Casey this is Amanda Shepard, Amanda this is Casey Novak the special victims D.A" Elliot told me

"Good afternoon Casey" I said shaking her hand, she smiled

"It looks like we have found a good replacement for Olivia this time, she is nothing like beck, and Olivia would like her" Casey said looking at Elliot

"Yeah she isn't an in your face type of person like Beck was. That is until you step on her, my daughter made that mistake earlier, and I have been making that mistake this whole week" he said to her

"Enough about me you two look at this, okay I think he has an anger to red headed woman. Possibly trying to get revenge from someone who has either hurt him in the past or betrayed him in some way this guy is serious and the problem is he is careful but he will slip up somehow, I know he will" I said just then Tamara came in

"I got a print this glove believe it or not but it was a partial" it'll take a while for it to get through the system" she said

"Is that all you came in there for?" Casey asked

"No there were strange contents in all of the victim's stomachs, cake and ice cream, this perp you are chasing is chasing someone from his past" she answered, just then my world went black. I heard everyone yelling my name in slow motion. My vision slowly faded from the black and I came to, Elliot was over me

"Are you okay Amanda?" he questioned

"Oh god what happened… There is blood on your hand Elliot" I said shaking my head

"You fainted and hit your head on the corner of the desk, your head is bleeding" he explained to me

"Oh shit I forgot to take my medicine this morning... it is for my arrhythmia I knew I forgot something when I walked out" I stated "My heart must have acted up" then munch came up to me with ice I took it and put it on the back of my head "I am so embarrassed" I said trying to get up and couldn't because I got dizzy again and fell down

"Don't move" Tamara said and came over and felt my pulse

"You aren't going anywhere but the hospital, someone call a bus." She called out "Amanda what is your medicine" she asked

"I don't remember" I replied

"Elliot you're going to have to go and get her medicine" just then a the paramedics came in and started putting me on a gurney

"No ill be okay don't go to my house" I said

"They need to know what you are on because of what you are having right now" she demanded

"What's going on" captain asked coming back from lunch she walked up to him

"Amanda is in atrial fibrillation and she won't let Elliot go get her medicine and take it to the hospital for the doctors" she told him

"Elliot go and get the medication and Amanda you're going to the hospital" he said just then my vision started fading when they started putting oxygen on me

"She's going into abnormal sinus rhythm we have to go, detective stabler meet us at the hospital with the medicine" last thing I saw was him scribbling my address down on a piece of paper and ran out the door then everything went black

The next thing I knew was waking up and I heard beeping and an occasional release of air from the oxygen tanks, I saw Elliot through blurred vision talking to the doctor

"Will she be okay?" he asked

"She has a pretty nasty arrhythmia and her not taking her pills and a high stress job doesn't help it, but yes she is fine we will discharge her tomorrow. Look she is waking up" the doctor said "I'll leave you two alone to talk" he finished and walked out

"Elliot what time is it" I stretched and sitting up slowly not to pull on my IV

"Almost 1 in the morning" he said coming over to my bedside pulling up a chair

"Don't you have a family?" I asked him

"That's my business" he said lowering my head

"Okay so when can I go back to work" I asked him

"The doctor said tomorrow, why you aren't taking your medicine?" he asked me

"I am I told you it was just yesterday" I squeaked

"I found this" He said pulling out an unmarked envelope. My heart rate skyrocketed "Why are you scared of this letter" he asked

"I'm excited it's from my mom" I said

"That's why you're pale?" he questioned

"Elliot I'm in the hospital for a heart issue I'm going to be pale" I sneered at him

"So you don't mind if I read it?" he asked

"You want me to ask about your marital problems? I don't just interrogate at work you know" I said he lowered his head and handed me the envelope

"How'd you know I was having marital problems" he asked me rubbing his eyes

"Oh Elliot I can read people like a book that's one of the reasons I became a detective I have a certain way with the people" I said

"Oh do you? Read me then" he said sitting up

"You don't want me to do that I already know too much" I said shaking my head

"Prove it" he glared

"Fine you asked give me your hand" he looked at me funny "I have to touch you to know you that is why I don't touch people" I said, he looked skeptical and finally forked over his hand to me I placed mine on his

"Oh honey why did you have to make me read you, this is horrible now I know why you are so angry" I apologized letting his hand go

"Let me have it" he commanded

"Well your dad was a drunken Irish man that sometimes got abusive and your family never showed you any kind of affection, because of that you are now an angry person and you have had problems with your job and family because of it" I said he just looked at me stunned

"Happy now?" I asked him. He looked at his hand then back at me

"How do you do that?" he asked I simply shrugged

"I've been able to do it since I was a kid, no I am not a psychic I don't believe in that jive" I said

"But you touched Munch and Casey why not them?" he asked me

"Oh I read them but there was nothing that they don't define themselves as a human being" I said all of a sudden my chest tightened up and I grabbed it

"Are you okay?" he has shooting up out of his chair

"Yes, yes I'm fine just it's just my arrhythmia acting up again it'll fix itself in a minute hey look at the monitor" I pointed at it, it was just all over the place "That's why Tamara wanted me to come here and you go get my medicine" I said breathlessly "It's gone now" I said releasing my chest and laying back

"That is some scary stuff how long can you go without your medicine before dire side effects" he asked

"Elliot go home, I'll see you tomorrow" I said closing my eyes

"No this is something I need to know, you need to tell me this" he demanded

"Elliot I don't know I've never went but a day without it, and this is rare for me to end up in the hospital like this" I said to him "Now go I need to sleep because I'll be right back there tomorrow morning" I told him

"I'm staying right here and I don't know how the captain will feel about you coming back so early" I said

"But your family?" I asked

"This is the captain's orders" he shrugged

"Okay if you stay I have really bad night terrors, and to the captain ill have a doctor's note so he can't send me home" I pointed out he just shook his head

"You don't know the captain Amanda, okay I'm going to go ask a nurse for more blankets" he told me.

He headed out the door and I faded to sleep before he had even got back. I had the same night terror I had had the other night, I just watched myself get raped and molested in horror i couldn't do anything about it I was stuck, it was like it was on replay because it happened over and over again.

I got woken up by a nurse rubbing her knuckled on my chest

"Shepard wake up, Miss Shepard" she said in a loud stern voice. My eyes fluttered open

"Yes?" I asked sitting up half way

"It's time to take your medicine" she said handing me a cup, I took it

"Do you have the time by chance?" I asked her

"It is about 6 o clock in the morning" she said staring at her wristwatch

"Were did Elliot go" I questioned her setting up all the way and rubbing my eyes

"That man you were with he went to the cafeteria to get some coffee for both of you, is he your husband" she questioned me, I busted out laughing just then Elliot walked in with two cups of coffee and looked at me like I was crazy

"Listen honey that man right there, which is my partner, not my husband I don't even have a significant other" I laughed

"Oh I'm so sorry I thought because he stayed with you he was…" she was saying but I cut her off

"It's no big deal, our captain told him to stay with me" I pointed out, she looked at him embarrassed and just left

"No lover huh?" Elliot asked walking up and handing me the coffee

"Nope, no one" I said smugly

"Well you were right about your night terrors, what are they about?" he asked

"Nothing I always have had them since I was a little girl" I said taking a drink of coffee

"I swear there is something you're not telling me about yourself" he said glaring at me, just then the doctor came in

"Miss Shepard how are you feeling this morning?" he asked me

"Normal I assume" I said

"That is good well I came to discharge you" he said getting gauze and Band-Aids for my hand. He pulled out the IV; he finished talking to me about how I need to be careful about my arrhythmia and to take my medicine. I nodded

"Why was I even in this place" I asked him while he was wrapping my hand up

"Just a precaution for anyone that has an arrhythmia as nasty as yours" he said looking up from my hand "You need to take your medicine young lady that could have killed you" he finished

"I only forgot it once, only because I was under a lot of stress yesterday" I said

"Okay well I believe you, I'll be back with your papers you can get dressed now" he said walking out

"I brought you some clothes from home cause the were going to cut your clothes off because you were responsive" he said throwing me a sweat shirt and a pair of sweats

"Get out." I said he looked at me appalled "uhm well I need to change and you aren't going to watch, shoo" I said kicking him out of the room and closing the door. I took off my hospital gown and changed into the clothes he had brought me and let the sad dog back in.

"You could have howled" I smiled

"I don't get it" he said coming back in the room

"I'm kidding never mind" I shook my head

"Good the doctor gave me these" he handed me papers "Ready to go?" he asked I nodded my head

"Yes please like now let's go" I said headed to the elevator, he shook his head following me

"Are you sure you're ready to go back to work" he asked me pushing the one button on the control panel for the elevator

"Yes I love my job and I have to crack this case so no one will get hurt anymore" I told him more determined than ever. The elevator went down to the main floor and he went to get the car. He drove up and I got in

"So I just got a call from Munch, they said that they got a hit from that partial print and they have the perp in custody" he said

"Yes we got the bastard!" I called out and we drove off, we went back to the precinct. The captain walked up to us

"You ready to interrogate Amanda?" he asked I paused

"Are you sure?" I asked

"If you're ready then go ahead" he told me I went to the interrogation room with Elliot and looked through the glass. I saw who was sitting in there with a smirk on his face, tears began to fall and then I began to feel rage in my stomach I charged in there

"You fucking bastard" I screamed at him banging my fist on the metal table

"Oh Amanda there you are I wondered when you were going to come in here, I requested you" he said smiling his blue eyes looked like a mirror to me, all I saw was me as a little girl

"Why are you following me? Why did you hurt those girls?" I growled at him

"I assume you've got my letters?" he laughed "you think I hurt those girls because of you no, I didn't I have been looking for you, and I told you, you were mine and ill prove so soon enough" he yelled pounding his fist on the table he stood up, I cowered

"That's right little girl cower to me" he smiled and came so close to me I could smell the last cigarette he smoked on his breath. He grabbed my face "you aren't so scary you know that" he pushed me backwards into the wall. I couldn't handle it I ran out of that room I heard Captain yell at Elliot to follow me, all I saw was the blur from my tears I just ran home. There was another envelope I snatched it up and went inside, I locked the door behind me I opened the letter. It was pictures of me in the hospital there was a message on the back of the photo it said

 _See you soon_

I just screamed throwing the photo on the ground and grabbing my head all of a sudden someone was beating on the door

"Amanda let me in" Elliot yelled through the door

"Elliot go away this isn't your business!" I screamed back crying

"If you don't open this door I will kick it open" he told me "I'm serious" he howled "One, two..." I cut him off

"Okay, okay ill unlock the damn thing" I cried standing up and unlocking it, I opened it I walked to my love seat. I wiped my eyes. "Okay Elliot you caught me I have a past and he was part of it you happy now?" I sniffed wiping my tears "Do you still want to know what happened in my past that bad?" I cried he nodded and sat me down and sat down with me on the love seat

"You said how your old partner had a past? well so do I, I was raped when I was younger, more than once and that is why I wanted to be a detective" I yelled at him "I feel so worthless I don't want anyone else to feel that way, but that girl we found the other day? That just shot me back in time, and then you questioning me about my past didn't make anything better" I got up "I don't want to seem like a burden but I did to my family when I tried to tell but did they listen? No they didn't! Stop making up stories Amanda stop lying. God dammit Elliot no one listened..." I trailed off

"You were raped?" he seemed puzzled

"It happened over, and over, and over again every time I went over there"

"That is terrible Amanda I'm so sorry that that happened to you did you make a report?" he asked me

"Now I am going to get that from a cop? I was seven Elliot it was my over reactive imagination... They didn't want to believe me. And then after I told them it got worse because he was confronted about it... It just got so much worse and statute of limitations is up I can't do anything about it" I stammered

"Walk me through it tell me what happened..." I broke him off

"Elliot I'm not one of your victims, I work with you" I shrieked

"Well you are now" he said

"No I'm not I can take care of myself" I growled at him

"You call that taking care of yourself? You are still scared of him" he declared

"I can't get close to any of you I don't want you hurt" I said just then Elliot's phone rang

"Stabler, why? He put his hands on her; you have to find something to hold him. Nothing? Okay" he said into his phone and hung up

"Those girls Elliot, he killed because of me. I betrayed him when I was a little girl and told my parents" I told him "all those envelopes where letters and pictures to me he's been watching me" I said quietly walking to my window and looking out it over new York it was getting dark, the city was lighting up

"And the cake and ice cream was to shut you up?" he asked. I nodded "I need to tell the captain, you need protection" he said getting ready to call the captain back

"Elliot no he won't hurt me I'll be okay" I said putting my hand over his phone "Go home" I told him

"But you need me here" he argued with me

"No I don't you need to go home" I demanded

"Can you at least tell me where it happened?" he asked

"You know that big condemned house on 42nd avenue?" I asked

"Yea is that the place?" he replied

"Yea and sometimes I go back and sit in the place where it happened and I relive the nightmare, sometimes I think it helps when I have flash backs" I said sadly

"Does it?" he asked back I shook my head "You really need protection I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you after I am the one that saw you last, you need me" he told me

"No I don't your family needs you" I said "Go" he looked at me "I'll be at work tomorrow" I promised him

"Can I come and pick you up then?" he asked me I told him sure and he hugged me "please be safe" he pleaded

"I will" I said hugging him back he left; I went to brush my teeth. I heard the door crack open

"Elliot I said I was going to be okay" I called out rinsing my tooth brush out, I walked out then something hit me over the back of the head and I fell to the ground I saw my attacker, it was him it was Brian, I got up dizzily

"Why are you in my house!" I yelled absently hitting the air at him I tried to stay conscious I grabbed my love seats back and it flipped on me, I watched him tear up my house looking for something then he moved the love seat, he picked me up and carried me to my room. I tried to scream but he slapped me

"They will get you for this" I blundered then my world went black.

I came too, my vision was blurred but I could figure out that I was chained up in a place that looked like a cellar. I sat up and looked around; I saw a crudely put together toilet, a food and water dish, and a bunch of toys from my childhood. I was sitting in a bed with a dress on shackled tightly at the ankle to a large pipe. He came into the room with a syringe

"Let me go!" I screamed throwing anything at him that was in my reach at him

"Now now Amanda you know you love me you did when you were younger" he said dodging everything

"I NEVER EVEN LIKED YOU" I screamed at him. He slapped me so hard it made my mouth bleed

"Tell me you love me" he growled grabbing my face, I spit the blood in my mouth at him "that's it you little bitch" he tried to stick me with the syringe I fought back, just then the doorbell rang

"Help, help me please I am..." he stuck me in the side of the neck when I was screaming the cocktail of drugs went into my system. I was paralyzed he went upstairs. I heard the door open and I heard Munch's voice. I tried to scream for help but nothing came out then I blacked out.

II

Elliot woke up that morning to a normal day; he got ready for work like every other morning, he was headed over to his partner's house to pick her up. He got out of the car and he didn't feel right in his gut. As he walked up to her door that feeling in his gut got deeper

"Amanda?" he said knocking on the door it opened slightly he walked in with his hand on his gun. All of her furniture was flipped and it looked like there was a struggle. No less than a second, he was calling the captain

"Captain I'm calling to report a case, Amanda is missing" he said then hanging up. 10 minutes later the captain, Munch and Finn showed up with the police and the crime lab.

"What the hell happened?" The captain demanded walking into her apartment

"I don't know, she wasn't here when I came to pick her up this morning" Elliot said

"Do you think that the guy we let loose yesterday took her?" Captain asked

"Cap she had a hidden past and that bastard that we let loose was her childhood molester" Elliot exclaimed

"She was molested? She had no classic signs I even asked Wong" The captain pointed out

"You looked too?" Elliot asked

"After she "passed out" after that perp that tried to feel her up, yeah I asked him to watch her" Captain said

"Elliot, Captain Come and look in her bedroom there is blood on the bed" Finn said walking up to them, they walked back to her bedroom passing her bathroom Elliot noticed a pill bottle

"Captain this became a time sensitive case, whoever took her didn't take her heart medication" Elliot said coming out if the bathroom holding up the bottle of pills

"Okay we need to kick this into high gear, Finn Munch you go bring that bastard back in Elliot your coming back to the station with me were are going to roast the hell out of him" Captain said as they walked out and went back to the station

"Elliot go through her desk and see if she may have any clues on where he might have taken her" the captain told him, Elliot opened her desk drawer and saw all the pictures and letters she has gotten

"Captain we have a problem" Elliot said walking into his office giving the evidence to the captain

"How long has she hidden this from us?" he asked

"I don't know but can we use this on him?" Elliot questioned

"Its evidence go for it" he said, then munch busted in

"We got him" they headed to the interrogation room

"Go Elliot she was your partner" Captain said to him

Elliot went in the room and sat down

"How are ya today?" he asked

"Why am I back here?" Brain asked

"Where's Amanda? Did you sneak into her house last night and take her to complete some sick twisted fantasy" Elliot said

"What are you talking about?" he asked

"You know the little girl you raped 15 years ago?" he yelled slamming the pictures he found in her desk on the table in front of him

"Ahh Amanda she was the perfect little girl until the little bitch told her parents, but they didn't believe her so I kept doing what I was doing until she left me." He said looking through the pictures "I take good pictures don't I" he asked creepily

"You sick bastard do you get off on her fear?" he questioned him

"She was the perfect little girl, didn't scream, we played house she was the mommy and I was the daddy" he told Elliot closing his eyes

"You sick bastard" Elliot said shooting up from his chair. Brain stood up also

"Go ahead detective touch me and I'll walk" Brain tested "I still have the first pair of underwear I raped her in you know that, every night I take it out of my drawer and touch myself to it. She smelled so sweet" you could see Elliot's face turning red with anger; Elliot attacked him and began punching him in the face multiple times. He was laughing the whole time Elliot was hitting him

"Get him out of there!" the captain yelled, Munch and Finn pulled Elliot off him, Elliot shook their arms off him and walked out

"What the hell was that Elliot" the captain yelled at him

"We are supposed to be protecting people we can't even protect one of our own. Captain look at this he killed all of those girls that looked like her I knew there was something she was hiding" He snapped

"Elliot is was her past not ours, Olivia had one" The captain told him

"Olivia wasn't getting stalked by her past and I didn't stay there last night, she told me she would be okay" He said guiltily

"Elliot it isn't your fault please understand that" the captain told him

"Elliot I heard your partner got kidnapped, is Olivia okay?" a woman ran up to him

"Kathy, it isn't Olivia, I don't have time for this, this is a time sensitive case" he said walking passed her

"To time sensitive for your wife?" she asked stopping him, he grabbed her

"Kathy listen to me that ass hole in there took my partner, she has a serious medical condition and he gets to walk because we have no proof that he took her." He said

"Elliot you have these cases all the time why is this one so much more important" she asked

"He has been stalking her for a week now Kathy, he has been taking pictures of her and putting them on her front step everyday" he told her

"So?" she asked

"Kathy she is one of us and that is her childhood molester in there and who knows what he has already done to her, so yea it is important" He yelled letting go of her walking away. She just stood there stunned and let him walk off

"Kathy this girl means a lot to your husband, and he wants to get her back before she gets even more of a past understand?" captain asked she nodded and left. Elliot was back at his desk with his hands on his head, the captain came up to him

"Elliot we are going to have to let him go you know that right?" he asked putting his hand on Elliot's shoulder

"I know, why won't those pictures hold him?" he asked

"There is nothing incriminating about them, there were no direct threats" the captain told him

"How are those pictures not incriminating? He was stalking her" he told the captain

"Elliot he wasn't standing but 200 feet away from her that isn't stalking" the captain told him

"I'm not leaving until I get a lead" Elliot said the captain shook his head and walked away. Hours passed and Elliot just sat as his desk and stared at the pictures, hoping maybe he could find a clue. He heard a creak in the still office and then a shuffle of paper; he stood up placing his hand on his gun walking to the door where he had heard the noise from.

There was an envelope; it had been slid under the door. It was close to one in the morning

"Who would be here at this time" Elliot said to himself taking his hand off of his gun and picked up the envelope and went back to his desk and opened it. It was pictures of Amanda. She was beaten and bruised. There was a note in it and it said

 _Keep looking for me this will get worse_

"What the hell is this asshole up to" he asked himself the door clicked and someone waked it. It was Finn

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked

"I should ask you the same question, I couldn't sleep because I know someone out there has her and she don't have her meds" he said "What do you have there" he asked walking over to him

"Pictures of Amanda that this guy took after he beat her" He told Finn hitting the pictures with the back of his hand

"And probably raped her look she's naked and has tear stains on her face" Finn pointed out. Elliot threw the pictures down on the desk and but they went every where

"What's wrong Elliot" Finn questioned picking up the ones that had fallen on the floor

"I was the last one to see her before he took her and she told me everything about her past and I didn't stay because she said that he wouldn't hurt her, I knew something was off after that girl that was killed that looked like her." Elliot yelled, it shook the stillness from the air

"Elliot we will get him" Finn said putting his hand on Elliot's shoulder

"Will we before she is dead? Or before he kills her" Elliot said covering his face

III

I woke up groggy rubbing my head; the chains held me clinked against the metal which made a horrid ringing noise in my ears. Someone was coming down the stairs. It was brain and his face was bruised and swollen

"Your partner likes to beat innocent men" he said

"Elliot did that to you?" I asked him

"Yes he likes to hit innocent men didn't you hear me say that? He asked

"Innocent? You are very far from innocent taking a detective" I said scooting to the far corner of my mattress to stay away from him

"You're not innocent you told your parents about our relationship" He said sitting on the bed I tried to get even further away from him but I was against the cold stone wall

"Have you been looking for me all these years?" I asked shaking "Who else have been your victims?"

"Victims? Why would you call yourself a victim to my love?" he questioned

"Love? I was 7 I was to young to know right from wrong, I thought you were my friend" I said burying my face into my knees

"Those other girls weren't like you they screamed and hit me, they told me they loved me but they never showed it, like you did" he said putting his hand on my knee

"How did you find me?" I asked him

"I am a janitor at the cop shop were you work, when I saw you I got into the system and got your address" he said rubbing my shin

"Leave me alone, let me die. I'd rather be dead then have another minute with you" I said tearing up

"Oh but there is so much more to do Amanda let's play house you be the mommy I be the daddy" he said pulling my legs so I'm laying down on my back

"No! No don't please don't do this" I screamed I tried to kick him but he tied my legs down to the bed. He crawled on top of me I scratched his face he held my arms down with one hand and hit me he tied my arms to the wall as well

"Don't touch me! Get away from me" I screamed

"Keep screaming no one can hear you" he whispered fumbling with his pants "your helpless screams arouse me" he said. I spit in his face he turned my head away from him

"I can't wait until Elliot gets ahold of you" I said through tears I felt him go up my dress and take my panties off

"If you like him so much you can think about him while I have my fun with you" he said. I just laid there crying while he raped me, I was reliving my childhood. When he was done he took pictures of me

"What are you doing with those?" I stammered

"A close reminder to your partner not to mess with a good relationship" he said, and then he left, left me there to suffer. I just curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep

IV

Elliot was asleep in his chair when the captain showed up

"Elliot did you even go home?" the captain asked his, Elliot jumped awake

"No but we got a present from our perp" he yawned handing the captain the envelope

"A note?" he asked opening it up revealing the pictures

"And pictures, I couldn't find anything on where she might be hidden" Elliot said getting up an making a fresh pot of coffee

"This perp is just testing us" the captain said

"He left us a friendly reminder on the note" Elliot told him rubbing his eyes

"Keep looking for me and this will get worse? What does he mean? What's worse then making her relive her childhood?" The Captain asked

"I don't know maybe death?" Elliot replied

"How long has it been since she has taken her medicine?" the captain asked him looking at his watch

"About 15 hours and we have nothing on him we all know who he is and we can't arrest him" Elliot said

"We don't exactly know if it is him or not Elliot" the captain told him

"My gut says it is" Elliot said "You can't go off your gut we can't just assume that it is; just because he is a creep doesn't mean he took her. Take those pictures down to the lab maybe there will be a finger print on them" Captain told Elliot, he nodded "And Elliot put a rush on that" he finished. Elliot walked down to the lab

"Ace you need to see if there are any prints on these, this is rushed" Elliot told him walking in putting down on the lab table

"Elliot I have cases in front of you" Ace said looking through files

"Just open them and look" Elliot pushed the envelope over to him. Ace looked at him funny then finally pried the top of the envelope open, his eyes grew wide

"Is this..." he stopped Elliot nodded

"Someone has taken one of our own, that need ran and I need told ASAP, understand?" Elliot said staring at him Ace nodded and went right to it. Elliot left and was walking down the hallway he ran into the janitor

"I'm sorry" Elliot said then paused "you look familiar do I know you from somewhere?"

"No I don't think so detective" the janitor shook his head and went back to what he was doing

"Well I am sorry for bumping in to you" Elliot told him walking away. Elliot walked into the captains office and closed the door

"What is the name of that new janitor we got" Elliot asked

"Bill. Why?" Captain asked him

"He looks like Amanda's stalker, but with green eyes and facial hair and scratches on his face" Elliot said "Do you think that they are working together?" he asked the captain

"No we did a background check on him squeaky clean" the captain acknowledged. Munch walked in the office

"We got a new scrapbook on Amanda, you might want to come and see them" He announced, and then he walked out. They followed him, the pictures where spread out on a desk. The captain picked one up

"This is sick. Why is he doing this to her" the captain asked them

"He is baiting us" Elliot told him "He knows we know he has her"

"I want to know how he drops these off without getting caught" Finn said "it looks like he is drugging her too, look at the dark circles under her eyes" he finished

"Why is he doing this to her someone go call Wong!" Elliot yelled. They sat there waiting until he showed up

"What do you need?" he asked calmly

"Do us a favor and look at these photos and tell us why he is doing this" Elliot asked him brining him over to the table were the pictures were

"Is this the new detective we have here the one you asked me about?" Wong asked the captain

"Yea, and her childhood molester took her and is doing this to her" Finn answered for the captain

"Tell us why he is doing this to her" Captain asked

"Well it seems that he is trying to reenact what they did when she was younger, but the anger he has somehow she betrayed him, did she ever tell?" Wong asked them

"The only one that knows anything is Elliot" Munch said

"She told you what happened Elliot?" Wong looked at him and asked

"Yea" he said rubbing the back of his neck

"That is a big step for someone that hides something so big like that, mind telling me what happened" Wong told him

"What happened is we caught the guy that was murdering those girls. She saw him and asked why he was stalking her…" Wong cut him off

"Stalking her?" he asked

"Yea leaving her pictures and notes at her door" Elliot replied

"He is obsessed with her… But not in a good way"

"He kept the first pair of underwear he molested her in, I'd say he is" Elliot said sarcastically

"Go on" Wong told him ignoring his sarcasm

"I followed her to her apartment after she ran out after she saw him; I heard her screaming and crying so I tried to open the door she had locked it. I threatened to kick it down when she finally unlocked it and I came in. she told me that she had in fact been molested. She said she told her family over and over but they didn't believe her, but she kept telling them and they got annoyed and they confronted him about and then she told me it got worse after that then she moved away" he finished

"He is making her pay for what she did to him" Wong told them. Casey came in

"Do you have anything on him yet?" she asked

"No nothing but we took some pictures down to the lab to run them for prints" Finn said to her, she came over to the desk that everyone was circled around

"Is this her?" she asked touching a picture

"Yeah" Elliot said

"We need to get this guy" she said looking at us all

"We don't know who it is yet" Munch said. The janitor came in to clean up

"If we get a print off the thing we have been getting from him I'll get a search warrant for his house" Casey told them

"Good" Elliot said "I'd love to get my hands on him"

"No you aren't touching him" Captain said walking away

"I'd let you touch him" Munch shrugged, and walked off

"We will get him Elliot" Finn told him. Elliot was staring at the janitor "Why are you watching the janitor"

"I don't feel right about that guy" Elliot stated and went back to looking at the pictures

"You go home and I'll stay here tonight" Finn said

"No, no I have to stay, she is my partner" he told Finn

"Elliot you need sleep" Finn argued

"And Amanda needs found me sleeping won't help that" Elliot snapped

"Elliot she is one of our victims now, I'll call you if anything happens" Finn looked at him

"Anything? Even the littlest thing" Elliot asked

"You have my promise" Finn said raising his right hand

"Okay fine" Elliot said giving in, he left. The day had turned into the night

"C'mon short stack get through this" Finn pleaded

V

I got woke up to Brain yanking on my chain

"Get up" he snapped he started putting things in a bag

"What's going on" I said setting up rubbing my eyes

"I'm moving you" He said angrily. I woke up all the way and crawled over to the edge of my bed

"Did they catch you?" I asked in a hopeful voice

"No, it's close but I am moving you before they get my print off of the things I left for them" he said

"Were are we going" I questioned I thought the worst that he was going to kill me and he was getting rid of the evidence "Are you going to kill me?" I asked him

"No honey of course not" he told me

"Thank god" I breathed

"Not until I am done with you at least" he said fear fell over me, my blood ran cold. I got dizzy but shook my head and tried to ignore the fact that my heart condition would kill me before he even got a chance

"Now am I going to move you, are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way" he asked me digging in his back pulling out a ketamine vial and putting it in a needle

"Do what you want" I said sadly

"Then put this on" he said throwing me an oversized black hoodie "Pull the hood up and come with me" he undid the chain from around the pipe and pulled it on. I walked up the stairs behind him, we went outside, and it was foggy and misty. All I thought was maybe if I run I could get away. Then he shoved me into the back seat of a black suv

"Lie down and don't make a sound or I have an extravagant cocktail waiting for you" he told me closing the door and him getting in the on the driver's side, he started the car I felt him pull out and we drove off.

"Were are we going" I asked him

"My old farm" he told me

"What time is it?" I questioned him

"About three- thirty in the morning the perfect time to move you because no one is out" he told me. Elliot was probably at home, I peeked out of the window from time to time. We drove by the office and I saw cars there

"They are trying to find me" I said silently smiling to myself "They are trying to find me" just then a twang of pain was in my chest, I don't know how long I have been without my pills. I heard the chirp and light of sirens from a police car behind us. My heart jumped for joy

"Get down in the floor and lay face down and tuck your hair in the hood, do it now" he growled at me I did as he said and got on the floor the cop came up to the window and knocked on it. I heard the screeching of the window rolling down

"How are you tonight officer" Brian asked

"I'm just fine what about you?" he asked him shining a flash light in the window at him

"License and registration please?" the cop asked him

"Of course officer anything for New Yorks finest" I heard Brian say, he was rustling around in his glove box

"Here you are" he said

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" the officer asked

"Not the foggiest" Brian laughed

"You have a tail light out" the officer explained, my nose began to tingle. I had to sneeze I tried so hard not to

"Oh my bad officer, I'll have to get that fixed right away" Brain told him

"I'm going to have to write you a fix it ticket and after you get that fixed you have to come to the station and show us" he said I heard the click of his pen and the scribble on the paper

"All right I'll get this fixed and head in to see you guys" he said to the officer, just then I sneezed

"What was that" the officer asked shining his light in the back of the vehicle

"What was what" Brain said pretending not to hear that I had sneezed

"Hey have you heard about that missing detective?" the officer asked

"Oh no! That is horrible; do they know who took her?" Brian replied

"No they have got no leads but they think it is her molester when she was a little girl, and the perv leaves them pictures. I just hope they find her, her partner is devastated, he stayed in the cop shop after they found her missing for a whole twenty four hours and they had to make him leave" The cop told him

"Well sir id stay and chat but I got to get home cause I just got off work and I'm bushed" Brian yawned I sneezed again

"Well have a good morning then and get that light fixed okay?" he commanded. Brain thanked him and rolled back up the window

"You are going to get punished when we get there" he told me

"It isn't like I could have controlled a sneeze" I snapped at him getting back up on the seat

"Watch your tone" he said glaring at me through the rear view mirror, I just lay back down and waited until we got to where he was taking me. The car came to the stop,

"We are here" he said turning off the car and getting out "Get out" he demanded. He yanked on the chain that was around my ankle; I got out, and just shook my head

"They will find you" I told him crossing my arms, I began to shiver due to the cold September morning

"Ah you may think that but they won't because I am not going back to that house I am staying here with you so we can be a family" he smiled getting the bags out of the trunk, I felt nauseous after he said that

"I don't want a family with you" I snapped at him, he walked up to me

"You will be my wife, got it" he told me

"No never not with you, I won't be your wife and I won't have your children" I snarled at him, he shoved me up against the wall choking me. I was gasping for air

"You will, or I will kill you so no one can have you" he said angrily through his teeth. I nodded clawing at his hand until he dropped me on the ground. I gasped for breath "Now let's go my dear" he said cheerfully like he was a totally different person.

We walked into the house

"Go in the bedroom I will be there in a minute" he told me I walked into the small quaint bedroom and I sat on the bed waiting for what was going to happen next.

"Okay lay on the bed" he told me wrapping the chain to the foot board

"No not again don't touch me" I screamed

"Oh my sweet little peach, how will we make a family" he smiled

"No get away from me now!" I screamed at him, he got on the bed I slapped him. He grabbed his face and closed his eyes

"I told you we are going to have a family" he told me, he looked at me with death in his eyes "Want to know what I'll be right back ill fix this" he said leaving the room in a rage and came back seconds later with the syringe

"Stop please I'm sorry" I cried grabbing his shirt

"I'm sorry you have to be punished for what you have done but I will only give you half so you can enjoy it still" he told me sticking me in the neck, began to feel warm and fell back

"Please don't do this" I said weakly I was fading in and out of consciousness but I wouldn't pass out while he raped me again, he took pictures again and left them on the table beside the bed while he went and showered. I used all of my strength to grab one. I saw myself, my reddish brown hair was matted and I was bruised all over, my neck was really bad you could see finger marks were his fingers were wrapped around my neck.

"I need a pen" I said quietly looking around the room there was one on the desk on the other side if the bed. I rolled over to the other side and sat up and grabbed it I wrote on the back of the photo

 _Elliot please help_

And I put the pen and picture back and curled up in a ball. Brain came back into the room. He had facial hair and had put green colored contacts in

"Well I'm off to work honey" he told me kissing me on the forehead. He grabbed the pictures off the table and left I just sat there in horror.

VI

Elliot was asleep in his apartment then his phone rang he grabbed it

"Stabler" he said sleepily setting up

"Elliot we found something and we have more pictures you need to come down here and see these" Finn said over the phone Elliot was wide awake when he heard those words

"I'll be there soon" he said getting up and getting dressed, he ran out the door and raced to the precinct

"What do you have?" he asked urgently

"Every day that goes by she gets a step closer to dying, he is strangling her now" Finn told him showing him the pictures

"The bastard is torturing her" Elliot said holding up the photos

"Elliot let me see that" Finn said taking the picture from him and turned it over "Look at this" Finn pointed on the note Amanda had left on the back of the photo

"Elliot please help, that means she is still alive" Elliot called out

"Hey guys this is Alex one of the cops from downstairs he was on a routine traffic stop when he heard a female sneezing in the back of Brian's car" munch said introducing a cop

"So?" Finn said

"And he was the only one in the car" Munch finished

"And that isn't the only lead the lab got a hit off those photos it is a Brian Fisherton, the same guy we had in the room when Amanda ran out Casey is getting the search warrant now" The captain said coming out of his office

"Wait the guy I stopped last night was really shady and I got his license plate number" Alex called out "Here" he handed the piece of paper to the guys and walked out

"Now we have to wait around for Casey to get that search warrant, it's been three days that she has been without her medicine' Elliot said looking at his watch

"We will find her Elliot look we are getting a search warrant and we have his plates" Finn said

"I have the warrant" Casey said barging in the room "Now go and get her" Elliot, Finn and, Munch all went out the door and went to his residence

 **Brian Fisherton's**

 **115 east 32** **nd** **street**

 **October 17** **th**

Elliot knocked on the door

"Police open up!" he yelled through the door, no answer so they kicked it in, Finn went into the kitchen, Elliot went to the Bedroom and munch walked down the hallway

"I got no one in here" Finn yelled

"Me either" Elliot said

"Hey I have a locked door here" Munch called out, they went and met up with Munch. The door had a padlock on it. Elliot kicked it open

"This must have been where he was keeping her" Finn said cautiously walking down the wooden rickety steps "someone needs to call a crime lab" he called up from the steps

I'm on it" Munch called down Elliot slowly went down the steps thinking that there was a body

"Syringes" Finn said picking one up "he has been keeping her drugged" Elliot walked around looking at the place and on the back wall there was a message it said "try again" in what looked like blood

"Probably to keep her from running get the crime lab to test this because it might be her blood" he said he saw something and squatted down, picking it up it was a her badge "Finn" he said showing him

"Her badge, then were is her gun" Finn asked

"He probably has it. We have to find her before he gets bored of her and kills her" Elliot added

"Do you think he will, I mean at that point I said that she looked horrible" Finn said

"Finn every perv that takes someone, they end up getting bored" Elliot said looking off into space. The crime lab came in and blocked the place off. Elliot and Finn went back upstairs to look through the rest of the house

"Hey guys look at this" Munch called over to them from the dining room

"What do you have" Finn asked, they went into the guest bedroom there was a shrine of Amanda. Pictures from a little girl to her high school graduation and when she graduated the police academy. Then Elliot saw something that enraged him, the first pair of underwear he raped her in

"Elliot you okay?" Finn asked noticing he was just staring

"If I had a chance to kill him you bet your sweet ass id take it" Elliot growled

"Hey guys I found this picture" he said giving it to them. There was a little boy with an older man in front of a farm somewhere in the country.

"This might be where he is keeping her" Elliot said

"But all we have is that picture we have no address" Finn pointed out

"We can ask to put a look out for his plates and maybe we can catch him" Elliot said

"If he knew we were coming here there is someone is tipping him off" Munch said

"Listen I have think I know who is tipping him off" Elliot said. It was a light bulb has went off in his head

"Go on" Finn told him

"We got a new janitor a couple of days before Amanda started working with us, he was in there cleaning up when we brought up the search warrant, so do not say anything about the case when he is in the room or around you" Elliot told them

"Yea he is kind of shady and I don't like him" Finn added. They all agreed to not bring up anything about the case any were near him and they left back to the office

"What did you guys find" Captain asked as they walked in

"Nothing but drugs and this" Finn said handing the badge to the captain

"Her badge? Did you find her gun?" he asked them looking at it

"No we think he has it, captain can we talk in your office?" Elliot asked him, the captain nodded and they went to the office

"What do you need" he asked him

"Well captain we have a problem, someone tipped him off" Elliot said

"Do you think it is someone here?" the captain asked

"Well I think the new janitor we have did because he was in the same room when Casey brought up the search warrant" he told him

"Okay so we have to be careful what we say and where we say it and who we say it by" Captain said

"And we think we know where he might of taken her we found a picture of an old barn her used to live by when he was a little kid and we think he is holding her in there" Elliot told him

"Do we have an address then?" captain asked Elliot shook his head

"There was no address anywhere for that place so I was wondering if we could put a warrant out for his arrest now since we know its him" Elliot asked

"We will have to ask Casey about that" captain told Elliot

"This waiting game is bothering me, we have no idea how much more longer she has" Elliot yelled back at him

"We have to do this by the rules detective, she is just like all of our other victims" Captain said raising his voice

"She isn't just another victim though! She is one of us!" Elliot yelled at him

"I suggest you go home detective and think about this, or I will have to take you off the case" Captain snapped at him

"Fine" Elliot yelled and left angrily

VII

I was sitting on my bed crying when he came back into the house I quickly wiped my face off, I looked out the window and it was already dark outside

"Honey I'm home" he called I just sat there staring off into space when he came into the bedroom

"Are you hungry, you haven't eaten for 4 days now" he asked "I think that is punishment enough" I just shook my head

"They will find you, and it will be soon." I said plainly

"Oh I don't think so, I'm too smart for that hunk of man meat you have for a partner, which got sent home my your captain today by the way" he told me unbuttoning his uniform and changing into normal clothes he laid by me

"He isn't stupid at least he is trying" I said sadly

"Do you have feeling for detective stabler?" he asked me

"No I don't" I snapped at him"

"What a shame if I were to harm him in some way" he said smiling

"No don't hurt him he has a family" I pleaded

"And I want one. It's either my family or his missing him" he said cocking my gun. Tears welled up in my eyes

"Can I talk to them one last time?" I asked him, he thought for a minute

"Okay sure that sounds like a fun way to tease him" he said pulling my phone out of his pocket he dialed his number "It's ringing" he handed me the phone. It rang and rang until I got to voice mail

"Elliot please help me I'm somewhere in the country please help…" he cut me off hitting the phone out of my hand and it hit the wall

"You stupid bitch you think that they can come save you?" no one can save you" he said shoving me back on the bed he kept hitting me with the butt of the gun I could feel the blood run from my nose and my mouth, I could taste the copper running down my throat

"Stop you are going to kill me" I screamed at him

"No I'm punishing you, somehow you will learn, so I will beat you like a dog until you do" he growled at me through his teeth, I was crying when I heard the phone finally hang up

"Because you didn't hang up, Elliot heard you beat me. When he gets ahold of you, I can't help but feel sorry for you" I told him kicking him off me "I will never be your wife"

"Then I'll just drug you, you will never get away from me"

"No I will find your drugs and overdose on them before I even agree to let you touch me again" I said angrily

"Then I'm off to go see your partner and take him away from his wife if you won't be mine" he threatened me

"No don't hurt Elliot, I'll do anything to keep him safe" I begged

"Oh you would" he said smiling at me I nodded and began kissing me I just laid there and until he was finished. He did the same routine about the taking pictures and taking a shower I got up to get a pen, I grabbed the first picture off the top of the stack and started writing on the back

 _Elliot it's the janitor_

I heard him coming back and threw the pen, he gathered the photos

"I'll be back after work my dear" he said I nodded

VIII

Elliot woke up and looked at his alarm clock 4:30 in the morning, and then he looked at his phone there was a missed call. He flipped open his phone and it said "Shepard" he shot up there was a voicemail left for him. He listened to it, it confirmed his fears for her life is in danger and they had to find him he called Finn

"Tutuola" he said through the phone

"Finn I'm coming in there is something you have to hear" Elliot said grabbing his car keys and running out the door and he sped to the precinct and ran through the doors

"Whatcha got Elliot" Finn asked

"Listen to this" Elliot said dialing his voicemail and he put it on speaker

"Is he beating her?" he asked him Elliot just nodded staring off into the distance "It isn't your fault Elliot" Finn said

"She said they were somewhere in the country, could it be his dads house?" he asked

"Yea we need to look this up" Finn calling the tech department, Elliot went to go get coffee for him and Finn. He was walking back and saw an envelope on the ground in front of the door to the office. He opened the door

"Finn there is more pictures" Elliot called through to him Finn came over and picked them up and he opened the envelope

"They are from him" Finn said walking into the office with the pictures and pinning them up on the board

"Look on the backs of them last time she left a note" Elliot said taking them down and looking

"Do you think that she would do that again?" Finn asked looking on the backs of them

"Yes and she did, it says it's the janitor" Elliot said quietly they looked at each other

"Captain is in this office I'll get him up" Finn said running to get him

"What in the world have you found" captain said coming out of his office in flannel pajamas

"Look" Elliot said handing the picture to him

"It's the janitor? He's been in our work place the whole time" Captain gasped

"We can take him now" Elliot said cracking his knuckles

"No Elliot, you won't touch him and I don't think he is here yet, we will let him come in here and clean and then get him" Captain said

"He is he dropped these off Cap" Finn said

"We will just wait for him then, he will come in here soon enough" he looked at Elliot "Don't touch him" he told him. Time ticked by then Casey came in

"Do we have anything on the guy?" she asked setting her briefcase down

"Casey come over here" Finn said leading her to the board all of Detective Shepard's pictures were hung up on

"She keeps getting worse" Casey said touching the photos sadly

"We have these little messages" Elliot told her. She looked at them "Can we use these to nail him?" he asked

"Nail the bastard Elliot" she said sharply "Get where he is hiding her out of him" Elliot nodded him and Finn went and arrested him

"Bill Michael's" Finn said

"What can I do for you today detectives" he said smiling leaning on his dust mop

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, on will be appointed to you do you understand these rights that have been told to you?" Elliot said snatching his arms behind his back and cuffing him

"What the hell are you doing what are the charges" He screamed

"Brian Fisherton you are under arrest for the kidnap and rape of Amanda Shepard" Elliot Snarled

"Who is that?" Bill asked

"You" Finn said "Yea he has contacts in" Finn told Stabler looking in his eyes for the ring

"How did you know" he snapped getting angry and thrashing about

"Amanda left us noted on the back of the photos you left us" Elliot whispered in his ear

"That stupid bitch when I get out I will kill her" he said trying to wriggle out from Elliot but Elliot just snapped him back in to place

"I want my lawyer, call my lawyer!" Brain started screaming and thrashing about

"To the interrogation room with you" Elliot said shoving him to Finn, Finn walked off jostling him and Elliot walked to the captains office

"We got him but he is calling his lawyer" Elliot said crossing his arms

"Let's go and get where he is keeping her" captain said walking out Elliot grabbed all of the pictures and evidence and followed him. Brian's lawyer was already here

"Detective stabler you have no right to keep my client locked up like this" his lawyer told him

"Your client kidnapped a detective with a serious medical condition that could kill her oh and he has been raping her too" Elliot exclaimed

"How do you know she didn't just run off with him" the lawyer snapped

"Yea how do you know she didn't just leave with me, jealous she isn't with you?" Brain sneered at him. Elliot pounded his fist on the table; it made a loud metallic noise that rang through the air

"Look at these" he said flinging all of the evidence in front of him from the pictures to the syringes

"What are these detective stabler" the lawyer huffed

"Evidence we nailed your ass now tell here were she is" Elliot said quietly staring at him intensely

"I'll never tell you, shell die before you find her" Brain smiled leaning back in his chair so carelessly. Elliot felt his blood begin to boil

"Elliot come on out" Captain said through a speaker Elliot stood there for a minute then turned around and walked out. He had his hands balled up into fist so hard he broke his own skin

"Elliot calm down you're bleeding" Finn said putting his hand on his shoulder

"The only time I will calm down is when I have my partner in my arms alive" Elliot snarled

"Do what you need to get it out of him" captain said but Elliot walked off, the captain followed him "didn't you hear me detective" he said catching up to Elliot

"Homicide is illegal" Elliot told him "I'm going to see Tamara" he walked out to the medical examiner's office and barged through the doors

"Elliot I wasn't expecting you" she said signing a paper

"Have you heard any news about that missing detective?" he asked her

"Ya what a tragedy, I wonder who it is" she said pulling her gloves off

"What is ketamine" Elliot said

"It is a medication used mainly for starting and maintaining anesthesia, it is also a date rape drug why?" She questioned

"That missing detective is my partner" he said

"What, how?" she asked walking closer to him

"That guy that was killing and raping all those girls, was stalking her and he took her" he said

"I never saw that coming…" she went silent for a minute "Her heart condition..." she trailed off

"Will ketamine slow that down?" he asked her

"I'm not sure it slows the hearts beat down to sedate people" she said walking around frantically

"She has been gone for almost a week and she doesn't have her medicine" he said

"Do you know if she is even alive" she asked him

"Yes she is she is the reason we have the guy now, but he won't tell us where she is. And his lawyer is playing it off like she ran off with the perv" he told her

"Well did she" Tamara asked he stared at her disgusted

"You think she did? You think that she would?" he said angrily

"It's a possibility Elliot you have to think outside the box" she said

"The guy is her childhood rapist" he shouted at her

"What?" she asked stunned

"Yea her rapist, you so sure now that she ran off with him?" he asked her, she shook her head covering her mouth

"Without that Ketamine she might die, you need to find her" she said then Elliot ran back to the office

"Guys we have to find her, the drugs he was giving her were keeping her alive" Elliot huffed catching his breath

"Glad you are here they guy said he won't spill unless you talked to him" Captain said

"Captain he is going to antagonize me, you know he is" said shaking his head, the captain stepped up to him

"Stabler you get in there and you do whatever it takes to get our detective back. I mean it" The captain snapped

"Finn come on" Elliot said walking back to the interrogation rooms, they both went in

"Ahh detective stabler you got my request I assume" Brain said folding his hands on the table

"Tell us where she is" he said standing at the far wall trying to stay as far away from him as possible so he wouldn't kill him

"Why so you can have her to yourself" he asked

"I don't like her that way, she is my partner and I'm married" Elliot said

"Yes you do I saw the way you hugged her before you left her apartment" Brian pointed out

"Hugging doesn't mean I like her hugging her means I care for her as a person" he snapped "Now tell us where she is" he said getting closer to him

"I'm not done talking" brain told him

"We are here all night and its midnight now" Finn said

"You shut up you filthy Negro" Brian snapped at Finn, Finn started to get up Elliot shoved him back down

"Don't do anything Finn" Elliot said to him "Go on"

"Well detective, all of those girls I raped and murdered were nothing like Amanda, but they looked like her" he said

"I knew they did but she just ignored it" he said

"No she didn't, she knew and you were the first one that noticed that out of the rest, bravo" Brain said clapping Elliot stared at him

"Where is she Brain" Elliot asked again

"Amanda has turned into a fighter I had to drug her, sometimes I gave her half so she could be awake for it, other times she was knocked out" he said. Elliot clenched his fist

"Where is my partner dammit" Elliot yelled

"Chained up to a bed somewhere" he said crossing his arms

"Where is somewhere smart ass" Finn piped up

"In a house" he smiled

"Where is the house" Elliot growled

"In new York" Brain smiled. Someone knocked on the window, Elliot and Finn went out Wong was standing there

"He isn't breaking" Finn said

"Of course he isn't he's a narcissist, he is proud of what he has done" Wong said starting at him through the glass

"What do we do then" Elliot asked him

"Pretend you don't like you don't care anymore, the other thing you can hold him on is the other rapes and murders" He told them

"So act like we don't want her anymore?" Finn asked him, he nodded

"Oh and tell him what a good job he has done feed his ego" Wong said. Finn and Elliot went back in the room

"Your right you can have her to yourself we don't want her, and I personally don't want her either, she is just worthless you know Finn?" Elliot said to Finn

"Yea, man but if you murdered her like you did those other girls. It'd be one more that you could add to your collection you can just keep her" Finn agreed

"Wait you guys like what I did?" Brain asked them sitting up in his chair

"Yeah man I could have never done it and not got caught and the way you got Amanda's address is perfection" Finn said

"Yea I know it was so smart wasn't it?" he asked proudly

"You need to stay here to be praised by the rest of the place and we have a special place to take you" Elliot told him

"A suite for me?" he asked standing up

"Oh yea a nice place for you, but we have to cuff you and book you so the other people don't know what is going on okay?" Finn asked Brian nodded his head they cuffed him and led him out

IX

I woke up suddenly and looked around, the sunlight that was pouring through the windows lit up the dusty little house. Something was strange he wasn't here yet. I got up to look around

"Brain?" I called nothing no sound just quiet. I sat back down on the bed and laid back on it where was he. I lay back down and was waiting on him I must have drifted off into sleep because I was getting saved. I saw Elliot bust through the door with Munch and Finn, they unchained me and took me to an ambulance. I was saved, and then I heard a loud crashing that sounded like a window breaking and yelling. I woke up someone had thrown a fiery bottle through the window it had caught the curtain on fire. There was more thrown in through the other windows

"Were our money Brian?" a man's voice yelled I tried to yell back but the house had already been engulfed in flames the smoke choked me. I went to run out but tripped because I had forgotten that I was chained up to the bed I began to snatch it trying to break loose. The fire got bigger and closer I felt the heat in the air burning my lungs every time I breathed in

I looked around coughing there was a bat in the corner of the room I crawled over to reach it I couldn't I looked around again I say a lamp on the desk I crawled over to it, grabbing it I threw it at the bat knocking it over. As I crawled back over I was losing consciousness. I took it in my hand and began to beat the chain with it until it broke I stood up and started looking for a door or window then I heard a gunshot, I went faster I found a window and busted it open I was crawling out of it and another gunshot fired off and it got me in the leg I screamed and fell out of the window. I looked down at my leg, it was spirting blood

I held it and ripped off part of my shirt with my teeth and tied it around my thigh making a tourniquet, I got up and limped off into the darkness

X

Elliot was asleep in the break room; Finn came in the room frantically

"Elliot wake up and come on" Finn said shaking him awake

"What's going on Finn" he asked rubbing one eye sitting up Finn turned on the TV that was in there

"it seem that Brian Fisherton's country home was caught on fire last night around midnight last night" the reporter said

"She better not be dead" Elliot jumped up screaming and walking down the hall the captain stopped him

"Were are you going detective" he said to him

"Going to tell him that he killed a fellow detective" Elliot said storming off

"Finn you go to and watch him" the captain said, they went down the private holding cell which had Brain in it

"Hello detective" he said sitting up on his cot

"So we got some news got you" Elliot snarled

"What that some other lie about how I get special treatment" he asked them

"No nothing like it, I came down here to inform you that because of you Amanda is dead" Elliot yelled. Brain just looked at him

"D-dead..." he said quietly "Why how" he asked

"There was a fire in your country home were you were holding her" Elliot told him

"No they found me, dammit" he said

"Who found you" Finn asked him

"The loan sharks, I owed them 10,000 dollars and they told me if I didn't pay them back they would make me pay" he said

"You owed them money" Elliot asked

"Yea I have a gambling problem, so I borrowed money from them" he said

"So now you have a cop's murder hanging over your head you're lucky to escape with a needle in your arm" Elliot growled walking out

"Elliot what if she escaped and got out" Finn asked

"That will be a miracle Finn he had her chained like an animal so she couldn't escape" Elliot told him they walked back into the office, he sat down at his desk and looked at his files. He just kept looking over them trying to ignore the pain that his partner is dead

"This is all my fault, I should have stayed with her" she said quietly

"Elliot?" a woman said behind him. He turned around and it was Kathy

"I haven't seen you in a while the kids miss you" she said to him putting her hand on his shoulder

"Kathy I can't do this I just figured out that my partner died in a fire and it was my fault" Elliot said

"Elliot honey this case is over there is nothing that you can do now" Kathy said putting her hand on his shoulder. He snatched away from her

"Kathy stop I can't do this right now just leave" Elliot said she looked at him shocked "Kathy leave please" he told her she huffed and walked out, then Elliot's phone rang

"Stabler" he said into the phone

"Elliot please help me..." the voice said he knew that voice

"Amanda is that you where are you please tell me" he yelled into the phone, there was coughing on the other end of the phone and then it clicked hanging up

"Captain, Finn, Munch come here now" Elliot yelled they all came running in the room

"She isn't dead" he told them

"Elliot I know we can't believe it either but she is gone" Munch said

"No, no listen to me the only other person that has my cellphone number memorized besides my wife is Amanda; she called me just a second ago"

"She is alive?" Finn asked

"Yes she asked me to help her and I don't know how I don't know where she is" Elliot said to them

"We will find her Elliot now that we know she is alive we will plaster her face everywhere on the news" Munch said as he called the press and was talking to a reporter

"I will handle the press conference" captain said looking at his feet and walking to his office

"I can't believe she escaped that she is sure a trooper" Finn said to Elliot, Elliot was ecstatic but not the slightest bit hopeful due to the fact that she was out there, with her medical condition amongst the junkies and the other rapists, it was also so cold outside frost bite is a huge concern.

XI

I was stumbling and limping through the woods trying to find my way back to the city. It seemed like I was walking for hours then finally began to see the lights from the city, I tripped on a huge root and I screamed. I got dirt in my wound it was already starting to get infected. I could feel my leg throbbing in my hip

The sky lit up with lightning and the thunder rolled in from the distance I could hear the rain begin to splatter in the ground. The temperature dropped I tried to stand up but I stumbled the rain got harder. I finally managed to pull myself to my feet, and limp a few feet more before I rested on a tree. The rain has picked up; it looked like a curtain pouring down in front of me. It kept getting colder you could see my breath, I began to shiver.

"I need to find a place to stay" I said to myself, I thought for a minute my mind came to the place where is always go when I have flash backs or nightmares. I walked longer with fewer breaks my leg was throbbing worse than it ever has it was still bleeding and I kept getting light headed. I couldn't let myself black out so I pushed harder then I heard cars honking and rushing by my heart jumped I was near the city.

I walked from the brush and say the city. I was in South Bronx. I limped along the battered and crumbling buildings. Some guy walked up to me

"Hey cutie" he said grabbing my arm

"Let go of me or you will be sorry" I growled at him

"Don't be so feisty baby just give daddy some love" he chimed I turned around and looked at him

"Listen shit bag I am a cop if you don't leave me alone you will get arrested" I told him through my teeth

"You're not a cop you're a druggy look at the trails on your arms and in your neck, a little desperate can't get enough fix baby cakes" he said I got angry

"I'm not a druggy I'm a detective" I said to him covering my neck

"You must be high off your ass sure you can be my detective baby" he said leaning into kiss me I kicked him in the genitals and ran off.

I have been wandering around New York looking at the streets and I finally found a payphone and called Elliot, he picked up

"Elliot please help me" I coughed into the phone and hung up. I started walking again and finally found what I was looking for, it west 42nd street. I walked down the dimly lit street until I got to the house I was looking for I stood in front of it, looking at it with fear

"This is where everything happened and I come here to find comfort" I cried to myself and looked around to find maybe a broken window or a split in the foundation where I could duck into. I went to the back and the door was open and went in. everything was dark and it smelled of mildew and rotting wood. I didn't care I was tired I went to the room where it all happened and laid down on the dusty floor.

My chest felt as a knife went through it I grasped it, I was fading in and out of consciousness

"This is how I am going to die I'm so sorry guys" managed to escape my lips before everything went black

XII

Elliot sat there thinking, munch had called Wong in to maybe help to see where she has gone

"What can I help you guys with, grief counseling?" Wong asked walking in the room

"No, Wong she isn't dead she called us" Finn said

"Called you? She got out of that fire? How?" he asked intriguingly

"Don't know but I can say she has some will power to live" Finn pointed out

"Then why did you guys call me here" he questioned

"We don't know where she would be hiding?" Elliot asked him

"Well after what just happened I would assume she is terribly traumatized so maybe she would go to a place that is familiar to her" Wong said

"She isn't at her house I check every day" Elliot said

"Or where the trauma happened" he told them. They looked at Elliot he was in deep thought trying to remember if she said anything about where it happened

"The condemned place on 42nd that's where she is" Elliot shot up grabbing his jacket they looked at him

"What are you waiting for lets go we need to get a bus on the scene" he said they got up and rushed to their cars and left for the house.

XIII

I jumped awake still dizzy, I saw lights flashing through the boarded windows and heard cars pull up. I was so weak from the blood loss

"We need to open this door and see if she is in here" a voice said that was Elliot's voice; I wanted to scream but had no energy to. I began to fade again, I tried to fight it, and I would black out and come to. They broke down the door. I heard someone come up the stairs. A flash light peered through the darkness down the hallway then shined into the room where I was laying

"Guys I found her!" someone yelled then everyone swarmed around me. Elliot pushed through the hoard of people and past the emts he dropped to his knees

"Elliot you came" I whispered grasping his jacket he put his arm behind my head and lifted me up out of my pool of blood

"Of course I did you're my partner I would never give up on you" he smiled my body went numb and I saw a bright light

XIV

Elliot looked at his partner hanging on to life in his arms, her body was frail and she was pale. She had a gunshot wound to her right thigh that was bleeding profusely. She was in a black oversized hoodie and sweats. She was barely breathing

"Detective you need to move so we can help her" a paramedic said resting his hand on Elliot shoulder, he nodded. He put her down and stepped back a tear fell down his face

"She's coding we have to go!" the paramedic yelled everyone got out of the way and they put her on a gurney and raced out of the house

"Are you okay Elliot?" Captain asked him Elliot looked at his hands. They were covered in blood

"She was cold… Captain" Elliot said quietly

"Elliot she will make it she made it this long" Captain said sympathetically

"Cold means she's dying" Elliot said

"Go to the hospital will meet you there" captain told him Elliot went to the hospital and met Finn there

"They took her into surgery because of the bullet wound on her leg she lost half of her blood volume they are shocked that she survived that long they don't know if she will make it Elliot" Finn said

"Are you here for Amanda?" a surgeon asked they nodded "Come this way with me so we can talk" he led them to a consult room and closed the door behind them

"Is she okay?" Elliot asked

"She is stable for now she had a huge hole from the gunshot that blew through her femur and lost a lot of blood due to her injury, we have put her in a medical induced coma to speed up the healing process but don't get your hopes up the future looks grim" he told them

"Can we go see her" Finn asked

"Yes, and we did a rape kit in the OR, there was fluids present" the surgeon told them

"We know she would have them, what room is she in" Elliot asked

"She is in the ICU if you go up there, a nurse will tell you which room" the surgeon nodded and walked out. As they were walking out of the consultant room captain walked up to them

"What's going on" he said

"She has lost a lot of blood and she has a hole blew through her femur" Finn told the captain

"Ouch where is she at" captain said grimacing as they began walking

"She is in the ICU we are going there now" Finn replied Elliot was quiet he looked pale

"Elliot are you okay?" they asked he just ignored them and stared off into the silvery elevator door, they reached the third floor and they stepped out

"Elliot are you ready?" Finn asked he nodded and they walked through the push door. They stopped at the desk and asked the nurse where Amanda Shepard was

"Down the hall and the last door on the left, I would tell her what you have to say now just in case she doesn't wake up" the nurse said stapling papers together. The whole group went pale they walked down the hall the lights flickered above them making a slight buzzing sound. They reached the room and walked in it. She was laid up on the hospital bed with tubes and wires coming off of her in all directions.

Elliot walked up to her and touched her hair

"Amanda please pull through this, this is all my fault" he said he broke down into tears the captain and Finn both put their hands on his back and tried to reassure him she was going to be okay, he disagreed.

Elliot sat there for days waiting to see any type of improvement, it seemed like years. He was asleep in his chair right beside her bed, she began to cough and thrash all of the machines went off. Elliot shot up and called a nurse

"What's the matter?" she said rushing in

"She is thrashing around I think she is seizing" Elliot stammered

"No actually she isn't she is waking up" she ran to the door way "Doctor come quick Miss Shepard is waking up" she called down the hall way. The doctors rushed in

"By god she survived!" one of them exclaimed

XV

I woke up feeling like I was choking, I panicked I didn't know where I was or what was going on. All of these loud high pitched beeps where going off and someone was screaming for a nurse, I couldn't make out the silhouette of who it was. My vision was blurry and I felt so tired even though it felt like I had been asleep for centuries. Then my vision cleared up and Elliot was there along will all of these doctors that have come to my bedside.

They pulled the tube out of my throat I gasped for a full breath of air

"What the hell is going on? Where the hell am I?" I yelled I was livid

"Amanda you had quite a lot of injuries you had a hole in your femur and you almost died you need to calm down" a doctor told me. Just then everything started coming back to me; Elliot pushed through them and wrapped me in his arms

"Amanda I am so glad you are alive" he said

"Elliot what the hell are you talking about, get off me you big lug" I told him trying to push him away from me but his arms where tight around me like a vice grip

"You're back you little fire cracker" he told me letting me go

"I never left dumbass" I said smoothing my hair back

"But you did for about 2 months" he told me I was in shock, my mouth dropped

"Two Months, who replaced me" I asked frantically

"No one I have been here every day for 2 months, and when you were missing for that week before we found you" he said the doctors finished checking on me and then they left

"What about your family Elliot" I asked him

"Kathy and me are done we are divorcing she served me papers" he said looking at me

"I'm so sorry Elliot I didn't mean to…" I said but he cut me off

"It's not your fault Amanda, like you told me we had issues to begin with" he winked at me, I smiled. There was a knock at the door

"May we come in" Finn asked he was with captain and they had balloons and flowers. I smiled

"Were is Munch" I asked sadly

"Right here" he said he brought me Chinese food I smiled so big

"Elliot do you still not want a partner?" the captain asked

"After this I say she deserves to be" Elliot said

"I don't want to take Olivia's place" I said to him shaking my head

"We always have room for you so if she comes back you can just say" Captain said I was ecstatic. Captains phone rang so he stepped out and munch was laying out my food for me, my mouth was watering

"Don't eat to fast Amanda you haven't eaten real food in two months" Elliot said

"I do what I want" I said with my mouth full of rice Captain stepped back in to the room

"Guys I have things to take care of at the precinct I will be back later, Amanda behave" he smiled at me I was too busy inhaling food to care and he walked out

"Wonder what he had to take care of" munch said

"I don't know" Finn said

"Elliot?" I asked him putting down the food

"Yes?" he answered

"Will Olivia like me if I ever meet her?" I questioned he nodded and took my food, I tried to get it back

"Ellliooottt give it back" I whined reaching for it he took a bite

"Here trouble" he said smiling handing it to me, I punched him

"Jack ass you aren't the one that had to be fed through your nose" I said. He just smiled at me we sat there I asked them about cases and what they did with Brian

"We can't do anything until you testify so he has been in jail until you are able to go to court, mentally and physically" Finn said to me sitting at the end of my bed

"Wong wants to meet you" Munch said

"Why?" I asked

"Well you hid your past from a leading psychiatrist, he is quite intrigued with you" he replied

"You guys had a psychiatrist watch me?" I asked sadly "I feel a little betrayed" I said to them

"We are sorry we just wanted you safe" Finn said

"Well that didn't seem to work now did it" I snapped

"Hey calm down none of us knew what was going to happen" Elliot said looking at me, I was pretty upset about them doing that, in my opinion it was an invasion of my personal life

"Hey Captain is on his way back here" Munch said looking at his phone "He says he has a surprise for all of us"

"Awesome I wonder what it is" I said dropping my anger and thinking of what Captain is bringing us. We all sat in anticipation quietly waiting for him to walk through the door. He walked in a huge smile came over his face

"I want you to meet someone Amanda" he said waving his hand out of the door way, a woman walked through the door with dark brown hair and brown eyes she was about 5'8 Elliot shot up and walked over to her

"Liv!" he shouted and hugged her, he let her go and said "Amanda this is Olivia my partner"

"Hi Olivia my name is Amanda" I said to her she held out her hand and I politely decline, she looked at me very confused

"I know I have heard quite a bit about you" she said quietly "I don't know how you can handle that and still be okay" she told me smiling

"Honey I have a past that you don't even know about, but I don't know either I just love my job I guess" I smiled at her

"Amanda there is someone else I would like you to see" Captain told me, a Chinese American man walked in I just glared at him

"Wong" I said

"How'd you know" he asked me

"My amazing partners told me they had you watch me, without my consent, really" I told them

"They told me to watch you because you were hiding something from them and they feared for your safety" Wong told me

"I can hide more from you then this, I have for 21 years" I told him

"That isn't heathy Amanda, you need to talk about it or you will be so angry, why are you so secretive" he replied to me

"Damage is already done, and because that is the only way I can protect myself. Go ahead try to pick my brain you can't" I said to him

"You will tell me when you are ready" Wong said nodding at me

"I'm sorry to break this up but we have more to discuss, something important to your case Amanda" Olivia said

"What's that?" Finn said

"There is more to this case then her" Olivia said

"There is more?" they all asked

"Yea the FBI has been watching his bank statements and there is some suspicious activity going on" Olivia told them

"Elliot do you know when I can go home?" I whispered to him

"Next week the doctor said" He whispered back I grabbed his hand and he looked at me

"Can I stay with you" I asked him shyly

"Of course you can" he patted my hand I smiled and blushed, they all got up to leave

"Elliot you coming?" Finn asked he looked at me

"Go on. You can come back later if you want to, go catch up with Olivia" I told him he touched my hand and then they all left a few minutes later a nurse came in and handed me an envelope

"Here Miss Shepard this was left for you" she smiled and left, I opened it and it was a note

 _Amanda,_

 _You think you have me, but you don't. I'll come for you again. Soon enough you little snitch and you will get what you deserve_

 _Brian_

140


End file.
